And then there were four . . .

It’s hard to believe that it has been 9 days since our little guys have entered the world. These past days have been fast and furious while at the same time drawn out, at times. I knew that caring for newborns could be exhausting and time consuming but little did I realize. Seriously.

We’ve started to settle nicely at the house and have a semi-routine down. Karl goes back to work here in a few days and I know that I’m going to miss his companionship during the day as well as all the things he gets done while I’m tending to the boys or, let’s face it, resting.

I have been wanting to share our delivery story and have now found the time to do it justice. As I reflect on our delivery, I can’t help but smile and thank the Lord above that everything has been in His timing, in His will, perfect and whole. He truly did have a plan all along and I am ever so grateful that he chose to bless us with these two beautiful boys.

I went into my appointment on Wednesday the 5^th (36 weeks, 6 days) ready and hopeful for an induction date. My doctor checked me and said I was still thick and not showing signs of labor quite yet. This was relieving to me as I knew my doctor would be gone for the next 6 days on vacation with her family and I didn’t want to go into labor without her here. She ran through the staff that would be on call while she was away and told me to be well behaved while she was gone and do little to nothing during that timeframe. We set an induction date and time for Tuesday the 11^th at 8 pm.

During those 6 days, I was mostly compliant, however looking back I can definitely say that I didn’t totally follow her directions. Ooops! There was so much to get done – putting cribs together, organizing clothes and other gifts, cleaning the house, laundry, etc. Throughout that time, I honestly didn’t feel any different than I had in the weeks leading up to the boys’ delivery. I did spend some time bouncing on our birth ball the night before induction as well as throughout the day that day, hoping to get something started on my own.

When we went into the hospital that night, we were excited and anxious as we honestly didn’t know what to expect other than recalling all the stories and accounts that we had read or been told about laboring. Once we got settled in, Tammy, our Doula, arrived and made sure we were comfortable and answered any questions that we had for her before she left for the night. I am so glad that we had her support that evening as well as the next day. She really made me feel at ease and encouraged me throughout the whole LONG process.

We let our family know that we had checked in and gotten settled. Throughout the evening and next day we would update my sister and Karl’s mom as new information was given to us and they would trickle the information to our immediate family. Since we knew the birth of our boys could have gone many ways, we agreed to keep their arrival to very few people (immediate family) until a later date. It was a difficult decision because we knew there were many out there praying for us and genuinely wanting to know how we were doing, but in the end, we felt it was the right decision for us. Once the boys arrived we were so exhausted and wouldn’t have been able to entertain visitors. Plus, Konnor had some issues that I wouldn’t have wanted others to deal with quite yet. We have no regrets about it.

As we got all hooked up to the monitors, me and the boys, the nurses checked me and I was already 1 cm dilated, 90% effaced, and at a -2 station. I felt so good knowing that my body was ready even though I was augmenting my pregnancy to deliver these boys. They began the first of three doses of a ripening agent to help my cervix. One of the nurses came to check in on me early on and mentioned that I was having a contraction. I looked at the monitor and sure enough there it was – I wasn’t even feeling it! It was a very exciting feeling – but short lived, to be sure. If only they all felt like that!!!

During the hours of waiting, Karl was by my side, checking the monitors and doing anything I asked of him – getting me water/ice chips, rubbing my feet, and encouraging me. I am so thankful for the gift of his friendship and that I get to live my life with him. He is the most selfless and good-hearted man that I know. Our boys are so lucky that they have him as a daddy. I could not have asked for a better life partner.

Time went on and I tried to rest but wasn’t able to no matter how I tried. Between the sweet nurses checking me multiple times (the boys kept moving around and away from the monitors) and my excitement/nervousness I couldn’t catch any sleep. 3 am rolled around and the nurses started me on Pitocin to get me going. When they checked me I was currently at 3 cm dilated. Once they started the medicine I started getting more intense contractions and feeling more and more pressure in my pelvis. I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom so bad! I asked the nurse who checked me if there was a way to relieve the pressure and she sweetly said no. Little did I know what all that pressure was signaling.

And then it happened – my water broke. I felt a weird pop and felt a trickle. I woke Karl up and told him that I thought my water had broke. He signaled for the nurses and they came and checked me. Sure enough, my waters had broke (for Liam/Baby A) and I was currently at 4 cm. This all happened just shy of 6 am. Then came the absolute WORST pain that I have ever experienced in my whole life. A pain that I would not wish on any person, EVER.

I knew going into our delivery that I didn’t know what to expect – from my body and from my mouth. I was in so much pain with every coming contraction that anything and everything came out of me. At one point I told Karl that I never wanted to have kids again and that we would just adopt in the future. I also said something along the lines of wishing I had just scheduled a C-section. I’m telling you – real pain. Now I don’t know if was the added pressure of Liam’s head as well as Konnor’s or if I’m just a real sissy when it comes to pain (could be the latter, I have no doubts) but let me tell you – it just HURT.

Sooooo needless to say I asked for an epidural pretty quickly after my waters broke. Luckily there was no waiting and she was outside our door getting ready for me within 15 minutes. I’m so very thankful that she got to me so quickly. I’m sure the nursing staff was laughing at me and my crazy screaming and yelling. So painful. So, so painful.

Sweet Patsy arrived to give me the sweetest thing in the universe. My friends had all told me to not hesitate to get an epidural but I wanted so bad to experience birth naturally as long as I could. Since I knew that I had to have an epidural at some point my goal was to make it to 6 cm before requesting it – I was so close!

It didn’t take long for the medicine to take effect. I had to be laid tilted towards my left side for a few minutes because the pain remained on that side but once it had taken full effect I was singing praises. Patsy finished up at around 7 am and the nurses came to check me. In that hour since being checked last I had went from 4 cm to . . . 8 cm!!!!!! Could be the pain I was feeling – just saying!

I was able to rest some while waiting to reach 10 cm. I was mostly a 10 for some time but one side wasn’t as thinned out as it needed to be to start pushing. And then, around 9 am I was instructed to PUSH!

I was told what it “felt like” to  push and how I needed to envision it each time I pushed. Karl held my right leg up while our nurse, Darlene, held my left leg. With each contraction I pulled up and pushed with all my might. Some pushes were good and others were, apparently, useless. Karl and Tammy kept encouraging me on and giving me tips as time went on.

One hour . . . two hours . . . three hours of pushing . . . I was absolutely exhausted. Karl was tearing up because he could see Liam’s sweet head coming – he had SO MUCH hair! I really wish I had been able to see it but just kept pushing and pushing. I was wearing out quickly but tried with all my might. Once again I was so thankful for the constant encouragement that I received. Eventually it seemed like I had stalled so Dr. Wiggins had us move over to the OR to deliver the boys. This was all around noon. It happened so fast that we weren’t even able to tell anyone about it.

Once we got there, Wiggins had me push through a few more contractions and utilized a suction tool to try to get him going. However, it just didn’t work. Sweet Liam had been stuck there for way to long. Very calmly Dr. Wiggins told me that we would need to move on to a C-section. At this point I felt like we had done everything possible to have the delivery that I wanted. I knew going into the delivery that there were multiple things that could derail the delivery that I wanted and was very ok with the transition to a C-section at this time.

Very quickly all the nursing staff jumped into gear, getting me ready for surgery. We had such a wonderful collection of people attending to us during our delivery. It’s funny how God’s timing works – we knew every person in the room, whether it had been intimately for several years or for a few weeks through our weekly non stress tests. I honestly felt so at ease and had such a peace about going into surgery. I felt this was what was meant to be. I had tried my very best for as long as possible. I had experienced every facet of labor and was so close to having a successful vaginal delivery, but in the end, He had a different plan.

During the surgery, Karl was by my side loving on me with his sweet words. I had tears in my eyes from all the pushing. For so long I felt like a failure because I couldn’t get up enough strength to push my son out. I felt like such a weakling. However, there was more at play than me and Karl even realized that didn’t allow me to be able to deliver Liam in this way. No matter how hard I would have pushed, I wouldn’t have been able to deliver Liam naturally. Later we found out that not only did he have a rather large head but his head was coming out at an angle – way too big for me to get out.

All I could feel during the surgery was tugging and pulling. At one point I heard Wiggins huffing and puffing, which made me a little nervous since she’s one tough lady. After what felt like an eternity we were told that Liam was out (1:10 pm) . . . but didn’t hear a cry. Minutes went by . . . no cry. Absolutely nothing.

It felt like an eternity and I honestly lost it. I started crying and looked at Karl and asked him if he could see Liam or not. Teary eyed, he told me he couldn’t because everyone was around him working on him. Even thinking about it now I’m brought to tears. We felt so helpless. Terrified.

One minute later, Konnor made his debut and made up for his brother’s absent cries. Later, Wiggins told us that as soon as she broke his waters he basically shot out of my stomach. He was ready to come out! Soon after they brought Konnor over for me to see – which I really wasn’t able to do because I wasn’t wearing my glasses. Mom failure number one.

A few moments later we heard Liam’s cries – it was literally the sweetest sound I have ever heard. As they began putting me back together, Karl left my side to go check on both boys. A few minutes later he had both boys in his arms which was such a wonderful sight to see.

Soon after, Karl left my side to return to our laboring room so that they could finish tidying me up. It felt like an eternity. I just wanted to see and hold my boys. Eventually I was wheeled back to the room and was able to really see my sweet boys for the first time. When they laid those boys on my chest – I was in heaven.

Poor Liam had a build up of blood in the back of his head from being stuck for too long. Feeling that for the first time was heart breaking for me. I felt like I had hurt my son and didn’t know what kind of ramifications it would have for him long term. I quickly found out that it should eventually go away and not bother him anymore but I was still fearful and felt guilty. For the first few days he would cry every time you bumped the back of his head – gut wrenching. One day I broke down to Karl because I felt so responsible and felt like I was bonding more with Konnor because of my guilt. Thankfully, Liam’s head cleared up in a few days and his own little personality came out - he’s hilarious!

Both boys had jaundice and required time in the NICU. Konnor was cleared in a day but poor Liam wasn’t cleared until 3 days after our dismissal from the hospital – today, actually.

Karl, Amanda and I would take trips down to the NICU to feed the boys throughout each day. Even the grandparents got in on the action and were able to spend time with the boys, too.

We are so very thankful for the level of care that we received at Shannon. We felt like VIPs the whole time and knew that we, including our boys, were in good hands.

Finally the day came where we were released – just 6 hours shy of a week at the hospital and we were going home.

Now we are finishing up day 9 of their sweet lives and I couldn’t be more happier. These boys bless me more and more each day and I am so thankful that God chose me to be their Momma. At the same time, I’m so grateful for a husband that cares for me through his actions as well as his words. He has been nothing but supportive of me as I maneuver through this new and scary realm of motherhood. I’m going to seriously miss him when he goes back to work! But I know that we’ll make it through because we were meant for this – and we have some pretty amazing family and friends that continue to bless us with their time and energies.

Does it get any better than this?